


A baby in my bed

by orphan_account



Category: The Avengers (2012)
Genre: Child Abandonment, author is sorry, but college, not likely to be finnished, this story is abandoned
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-23
Updated: 2013-05-23
Packaged: 2017-12-12 16:45:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 589
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/813767
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Clint comes home one night ( more accurately, early morning) to find a baby on his bed. Phil helps him out. ABONDENED STORY!!!</p>
            </blockquote>





	A baby in my bed

Phil Coulson awoke to the sound of his S.H.I.E.L.D. Issued phone ringing. Groaning, he rolled over to look at his alarm clock, which read 4:15 A.M. Groggily he patted his nightstand until he found that pesky phone. The little screen on the front displayed the number of the annoyance calling him at this horrific hour. 555-6660. Agent Clint Barton.

He flipped the phone open and punched the button that allowed him to accept the call. Holding it up to his ear he greeted the annoyance- ah agent- with a bite out “What?”

His what was greeted by an all too chirpy chatter- god how was the man so awake at this hour? “Hey Phil, yea, you watch Supper Nanny? Right?” 

“Agent Barton you had better not be calling me at four in the morning to question my T.V watching habits.” he spat out. If he had called just to mock his T.V habits, that agent was gonna find himself on a long term assignment in Siberia. 

“Well, you DO watch odd stuff, but no. I was wondering if, since you watch that show, maybe you know how to change a diaper?” Clint questioned.

The agent sighed. “How much have you had to drink Barton?” He was getting sick of these drunken calls Clint was prone to.

“Only a little. But I’m not drunk at all, I just-” He was cut off mid sentence by Phil. “Barton, you are drunk. Good night.” WIth this he hung up on the drunk man.Throwing the phone down, the tired man flopped back onto his bed with a sigh. He closed his eyes and settled down to go back to sleep. His phone rang. 

Quickly grabbing it, he saw the number on the caller id was the same as the last time- Barton. “What do you want Barton?” he spat out. Was it really to much to ask for, just one night of uninterrupted sleep?

“Well, I was hopping you would at least tell me how to shut a baby up, since you won’t tell me how to change a diaper.”

“Wahh...Barton, is that a baby I hear?!?” the man could hear a shriek in the background, that of a young infant. 

“Yes, and it stinks! And is loud. Phil what do I do?” Phil sighed. How did he get stuck in these situations? “Well, if it stinks, it probably needs a change. I assume you don’t have any other diapers, so your gonna have to make do for now. Change it.” There was some shuffling in the background and then a quipped “How?” was heard. 

“Take the old diaper off and clean the baby up with some wet wash clothes Barton, it’s not that hard!” it was too early for this. 

“Ok, uh, here goes nothing” Barton said. The sound of plastic ripping and gagging was heard and then a screech. “Oh My God, it has a tentacle!” The agent screamed. “Where Barton? I swear to god, if that’s its penis your talking about I’m gonna march over there and kill you.” 

“On it’s stomach. Oh, ewww” more gagging was heard. “Is it where the navel should be Barton?” the Man asked. “Yes” Barton gagged. “That’s it’s umbilical cord stump Barton. Take care of it, don’t jostle it. Just gently wipe the baby up. I’ll be there as soon as I can.”

Gagging could still be heard on the line when the man hung up. It was too early for this crap.


End file.
